Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels... Hebrews 13:2.
My angel first appeared in the person of a small, gentle, white haired man who was Pastor of a humble church in Bellmore, Long Island.
On the days I visited my grandmother, I'd steal away to see if Pastor Terry was anywhere to be found. I loved the cool, quiet of the room, the sparkle of sunlight that filtered through the stained glass windows as if God himself was watching me. In the midst of the church, organ pipes reached high to the ceiling, and shed a soft glimmer throughout the pews.
I scampered up onto the bench and reached out to play: tiny fingers fluttered like bird's wings upon the keys. My mother was a pianist, and her father, a church organist. Music was in my blood. I caressed the keys gently, as I'd seen them do so many times before, and imagined I heard applause.
Pastor Terry appeared from his room behind the sanctuary, and smiled. His smooth, quick movements belied his age. His eyes were soft and gray, with tiny specks of green, and when he laughed, his voice flowed throughout the chamber like a prayer.
“You have come back to see me!” he exclaimed. “Your grandmother must be busy...” he winked, and his voiced trailed off.
“Yes,” I said, recalling the bottle beside her at the kitchen table. “She‘s sleeping.”
“So, how are you this beautiful day?” he asked. “is she treating you well?”
"Sure,” I shrugged. “ My fingers reached up to grab a strand of limp hair.“I guess so...” I softly replied.
I did not speak of the chair in the damp cellar, nor the ropes that grandmother used to bind my hands and feet. Nor did I mention the dark closet in the hall, and the hours I’d spent in solitude there.
Pastor Terry seemed to sense my discomfort, for he said “Come, let’s see what’s coming up in our vegetable garden, shall we? We can pick weeds again.”
I beamed at the inclusion. I’d done little to help in the garden, save for eating the Pastor's prize tomatoes, and picking tiny weeds, but I loved the feel of soil between my toes and the soft and gentle ways of this man who lived for God. I tottered after him gleefully.
In the days when Long Island was still undeveloped, large potato farms dotted the land in lonely procession. They were interrupted only by railroad tracks to and from the city. My dad was an engineer who ran the steam engine along the eastern line, past the house of my grandmother and that of our own, three towns away. When he passed through, he’d blow the whistle long and hard: a signal to me that he was on his way home. But there would be no whistle today: dad lay in the hospital with pneumonia, mother by his side. It would be a long time before I saw them again.
“Do you remember when we planted this corn?” Pastor Terry asked. “How small and delicate the seedlings were?”
“Who would have imagined they would grow so strong and tall? God knew what they needed, and provided it, and he’ll do the same for you, too.” he said with a wink.
Overhead, the shrill screech of a seagull broke the silence. Soon others followed, and others still. Pastor Terry looked up and smiled. “They’re after our corn,’” he said, but they won’t get it. If I have to stand out here all night and protect the crop myself, I will."
Dusk was falling, and the Summer sun was a glowing orange ball. Gentle winds were rolling in from the sea, kicking up dust and debris, and shards of light glinted from his hair. I slipped my fingers into his callused hand and snuggled closer, and somehow I knew it would all be alright.
I never forgot Pastor Terry, and the kindness he showed me in those tenuous years. He is the reason I'm drawn to the Holy things, to organ music and the Alleluia chorus, to joyous celebration and worship. His ability to calm the fears of a young child and elicit trust, probably saved my life. He was truly an angel among men.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Faith -Things My Father Taught Me
(31) So do not worry saying, 'What shall we eat?" or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' (33) But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.' 'Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Mathew 6:31, 33-34
Jesus was a man before his time. He knew we'd be faced with financial worries and storms, that would test and try us. Before the world ever heard of the Dow Jones, Bernie Madoff, or Lehman Brothers, Jesus warned that there would be great distress in the "last days" brought on by unscrupulous people.
What he didn't tell us to do was dig a hole in the backyard, hide our remaining assets and become glued to Cnn and CNBC Closing Bell to track every investment, loss and wager so that we lose sleep over it. He did not suggest we seek the advice of a financial planner, or even the ear of a trusted friend, and rehash our circumstances. What he told us to do was "seek first the Kingdom,and his righeousness."
We all know that the kingdom that Jesus spoke of was not a building constructed by human hands but represented God's kingdom in heaven. However, just what did Jesus mean when he commanded us to 'seek his righteousness?'
The word "righteous" is a noun and comes from the Middle English rightwise (right-wise), from Old English rihtwis - riht ("just", "fair") + wis ("way", "manner"). The adjective "righteous" means "right-wise", meaning, morally upright and just. The noun "righteousness" (Old English riht-wis-nes = "right-way-ness") referred to "being just and fair", "being morally upright".
Since the life of Jesus reflected sterling examples of good and righteousness, I hold him to be the authority. Throughout his ministry he went about "doing good," (Acts 10:38) which included healing, ministering to others, and other acts of provision. Never once did Jesus doubt God's ability to provide for him. Never once did he hold back from giving his all- to the point of death.
So by example, Jesus was actually telling us to strive for moral cleanliness, and that which is right and just with our fellowman. One can seek the kingdom by acting and living in a way pleasing to God, but asking for the Holy Spirit, studying His word, and attending worship services was not enough. If we were to do as "The Great Teacher" did, we were to embrace our fellowman- in all of his needs and help to provide for those needs, regardless of our own.
My dad was a very colorful character. With all of his imperfections he understood this at a very base level. Regardless of the fact that he had 8 mouths to feed, a sickly wife, and mounting medical bills, he always managed to fit an extra plate at the table. He would dig deep into his pockets and pull out whatever he had for anyone in need. He instilled in us a drive to share everything we had with anyone who asked- or didn't ask, but merely appeared to need. Sure there were probably those who have taken advantage of us, but looking back, I can see God's hands on our life with provisions that never seemed to dry up.
My mother had a saying "Your father would will give anyone the shirt off his back...the only problem is that it's MY shirt!" To which my father would answer "It's not Your Shirt, it's God' Shirt... and I don't see you living on the streets."
Clearly, despite my dad's imperfections, he understood God's grace, and instilled in me a deep understanding of HIS generosity. My dad never let me forget that God's abundance filled my kitchen cabinets to overflow despite the fact that I was an unworthy peon in the scheme of things.
So during these time of financial stress and uncertainty, I will cast my cares upon Jehovah. I will strive to follow the Master's lead and continue to hold out my hand to others. I refuse to consider the ramifications of the economy, nor do I contemplate bleak futures.
'The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliver; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.' I have only to look on the faithfulness of my God to be reminded that 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
Jesus was a man before his time. He knew we'd be faced with financial worries and storms, that would test and try us. Before the world ever heard of the Dow Jones, Bernie Madoff, or Lehman Brothers, Jesus warned that there would be great distress in the "last days" brought on by unscrupulous people.
What he didn't tell us to do was dig a hole in the backyard, hide our remaining assets and become glued to Cnn and CNBC Closing Bell to track every investment, loss and wager so that we lose sleep over it. He did not suggest we seek the advice of a financial planner, or even the ear of a trusted friend, and rehash our circumstances. What he told us to do was "seek first the Kingdom,and his righeousness."
We all know that the kingdom that Jesus spoke of was not a building constructed by human hands but represented God's kingdom in heaven. However, just what did Jesus mean when he commanded us to 'seek his righteousness?'
The word "righteous" is a noun and comes from the Middle English rightwise (right-wise), from Old English rihtwis - riht ("just", "fair") + wis ("way", "manner"). The adjective "righteous" means "right-wise", meaning, morally upright and just. The noun "righteousness" (Old English riht-wis-nes = "right-way-ness") referred to "being just and fair", "being morally upright".
Since the life of Jesus reflected sterling examples of good and righteousness, I hold him to be the authority. Throughout his ministry he went about "doing good," (Acts 10:38) which included healing, ministering to others, and other acts of provision. Never once did Jesus doubt God's ability to provide for him. Never once did he hold back from giving his all- to the point of death.
So by example, Jesus was actually telling us to strive for moral cleanliness, and that which is right and just with our fellowman. One can seek the kingdom by acting and living in a way pleasing to God, but asking for the Holy Spirit, studying His word, and attending worship services was not enough. If we were to do as "The Great Teacher" did, we were to embrace our fellowman- in all of his needs and help to provide for those needs, regardless of our own.
My dad was a very colorful character. With all of his imperfections he understood this at a very base level. Regardless of the fact that he had 8 mouths to feed, a sickly wife, and mounting medical bills, he always managed to fit an extra plate at the table. He would dig deep into his pockets and pull out whatever he had for anyone in need. He instilled in us a drive to share everything we had with anyone who asked- or didn't ask, but merely appeared to need. Sure there were probably those who have taken advantage of us, but looking back, I can see God's hands on our life with provisions that never seemed to dry up.
My mother had a saying "Your father would will give anyone the shirt off his back...the only problem is that it's MY shirt!" To which my father would answer "It's not Your Shirt, it's God' Shirt... and I don't see you living on the streets."
Clearly, despite my dad's imperfections, he understood God's grace, and instilled in me a deep understanding of HIS generosity. My dad never let me forget that God's abundance filled my kitchen cabinets to overflow despite the fact that I was an unworthy peon in the scheme of things.
So during these time of financial stress and uncertainty, I will cast my cares upon Jehovah. I will strive to follow the Master's lead and continue to hold out my hand to others. I refuse to consider the ramifications of the economy, nor do I contemplate bleak futures.
'The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliver; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.' I have only to look on the faithfulness of my God to be reminded that 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
Monday, February 16, 2009
Praying for My Enemies: A Gift to Myself
"You have heard that it is said, "Love they neighbor and hate your enemy, " But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven... " Matthew 5:43-45
There was a time I believed this to be an impossible task. It was not that I seethed with anger and hostility- on the contrary, I was overcome with grief and longing for having been isolated and made the scapegoat for my family's emotional & alcohol problems. Then too, the beliefs of the religious organization I'd left commanded that my family- my parents as well as all 3 brothers and 2 sisters, and their progeny, have no association with me, nor with that of my infant daughter and husband.
I raised my children without benefit of anyone's help. I am babysitter, nurturer, teacher, emotional healer, as well as spiritual head. My husband, although a good man, does not share my devotion. He is learning, but for me, it is life. So, I was left, not with feelings of rage or hatred- but of abysmal hopelessness.
Something threatens to die within all humankind when you lose, or never have, the love and affection of your family. It's such a primal need that research has shown that a baby, left untouched, will develop serious illnesses and most likely die.
It was a wise friend who came to me one day and set me straight. He told me I was killing myself- that as much as I had been forced to endure, I had to learn to let go so healing could begin. Indeed, I'd been diagnosed with Cancer and I wasn't getting any better.
"If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you." (Matthew 6:14)
I've hear it said that: "Acid always eats it's own container," It also leaks out onto all other relationships and disrupts their stability. Without my knowledge, my attitudes and fears, along with the brainwashing I'd received by being a member of the cult, threatened to infect every area of my life. I had to consciously choose to wrap up my feelings, tie them in a knot, and lay them at the feet of the Master. Only then would I be free to accept the gift of peace that Jesus offered. Only then would I be able to share that gift.
My miracle did not come in a night or a day when I awoke to find the burden of pain suddenly lifted. It was a conscious decision to embrace forgiveness and love rather than bitterness and resentment. Just as Jesus "decided" to lovingly offer himself for our sins, I relinquished hold over the negative emotions that prevented me from being all I could be in His eyes. I entrusted my feelings to God and learned to forgive the unforgivable.
And I am so glad I did. Over the years I've established loving relationships with the very ones who had come against me. For those who have not learned kindness, I pray that they will experience the joy of the Christ. Sick with their own toxic emotions, they have turned the acid and bitterness upon themselves and are captive to their own emotions. I will not give up on these people- I will continue to offer up my prayers for these with the hope that someday, they too can receive the gift of forgiveness, and learn to pass it on.
There was a time I believed this to be an impossible task. It was not that I seethed with anger and hostility- on the contrary, I was overcome with grief and longing for having been isolated and made the scapegoat for my family's emotional & alcohol problems. Then too, the beliefs of the religious organization I'd left commanded that my family- my parents as well as all 3 brothers and 2 sisters, and their progeny, have no association with me, nor with that of my infant daughter and husband.
I raised my children without benefit of anyone's help. I am babysitter, nurturer, teacher, emotional healer, as well as spiritual head. My husband, although a good man, does not share my devotion. He is learning, but for me, it is life. So, I was left, not with feelings of rage or hatred- but of abysmal hopelessness.
Something threatens to die within all humankind when you lose, or never have, the love and affection of your family. It's such a primal need that research has shown that a baby, left untouched, will develop serious illnesses and most likely die.
It was a wise friend who came to me one day and set me straight. He told me I was killing myself- that as much as I had been forced to endure, I had to learn to let go so healing could begin. Indeed, I'd been diagnosed with Cancer and I wasn't getting any better.
"If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you." (Matthew 6:14)
I've hear it said that: "Acid always eats it's own container," It also leaks out onto all other relationships and disrupts their stability. Without my knowledge, my attitudes and fears, along with the brainwashing I'd received by being a member of the cult, threatened to infect every area of my life. I had to consciously choose to wrap up my feelings, tie them in a knot, and lay them at the feet of the Master. Only then would I be free to accept the gift of peace that Jesus offered. Only then would I be able to share that gift.
My miracle did not come in a night or a day when I awoke to find the burden of pain suddenly lifted. It was a conscious decision to embrace forgiveness and love rather than bitterness and resentment. Just as Jesus "decided" to lovingly offer himself for our sins, I relinquished hold over the negative emotions that prevented me from being all I could be in His eyes. I entrusted my feelings to God and learned to forgive the unforgivable.
And I am so glad I did. Over the years I've established loving relationships with the very ones who had come against me. For those who have not learned kindness, I pray that they will experience the joy of the Christ. Sick with their own toxic emotions, they have turned the acid and bitterness upon themselves and are captive to their own emotions. I will not give up on these people- I will continue to offer up my prayers for these with the hope that someday, they too can receive the gift of forgiveness, and learn to pass it on.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Jesus and the Blind Man
Luke 18:35-43
35 ) "As Jesus approached Jericho,a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. 36) When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. 37)They told him "Jesus of Nazareth is passing by." 38) He called out. "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me! 39) Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" 40) Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, "41) What do you want me to do for you?" "Lord, I want to see," he replied. 42) Jesus said to him,"Receive your sight; your faith has healed you." 43) Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it they also praised God.
I find this passage to be absolutely incredible. First, because buried beneath the turmoil and frenzy of the crowd that most certainly would have followed Jesus into Jericho, amidst the cacophony of street merchants and the curious, Jesus actually isolated the voice of a single man and heard his plea.
Secondly, because, as paragraph 40 says, Jesus did something amazing. He stopped. The son of God stopped. He actually halted his journey and responded to the outcry of someone he'd never met before- and who'd never known him. He was willing to detour his journey for a mere man, putting his needs above his own.
No doubt, the blind man had heard of the miraculous Jesus and was familiar with his lineage, for he proclaimed: "Son of David, have mercy on me!" It's interesting to note that Jesus waited for the blind man to take the initiative and reach out to him- proclaim his faith by giving word to it. So, when Jesus heard the man call his name, he responded immediately by ordering the blind man be brought to him- Jesus met the blind man where he was.
This paints such a clear picture of Jesus as a loving and concerned Shepherd. It reminds me that, regardless of what situation I find myself in, Jesus will stop what he's doing to respond to my needs just as a loving parent would. He steps in to offer support and guidance even when all others have abandoned us. He meets us where we are, regardless of how young or old our faith, and he responds accordingly.
He stopped. The Son of God stopped. Now that's a miracle!
35 ) "As Jesus approached Jericho,a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. 36) When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. 37)They told him "Jesus of Nazareth is passing by." 38) He called out. "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me! 39) Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" 40) Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, "41) What do you want me to do for you?" "Lord, I want to see," he replied. 42) Jesus said to him,"Receive your sight; your faith has healed you." 43) Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it they also praised God.
I find this passage to be absolutely incredible. First, because buried beneath the turmoil and frenzy of the crowd that most certainly would have followed Jesus into Jericho, amidst the cacophony of street merchants and the curious, Jesus actually isolated the voice of a single man and heard his plea.
Secondly, because, as paragraph 40 says, Jesus did something amazing. He stopped. The son of God stopped. He actually halted his journey and responded to the outcry of someone he'd never met before- and who'd never known him. He was willing to detour his journey for a mere man, putting his needs above his own.
No doubt, the blind man had heard of the miraculous Jesus and was familiar with his lineage, for he proclaimed: "Son of David, have mercy on me!" It's interesting to note that Jesus waited for the blind man to take the initiative and reach out to him- proclaim his faith by giving word to it. So, when Jesus heard the man call his name, he responded immediately by ordering the blind man be brought to him- Jesus met the blind man where he was.
This paints such a clear picture of Jesus as a loving and concerned Shepherd. It reminds me that, regardless of what situation I find myself in, Jesus will stop what he's doing to respond to my needs just as a loving parent would. He steps in to offer support and guidance even when all others have abandoned us. He meets us where we are, regardless of how young or old our faith, and he responds accordingly.
He stopped. The Son of God stopped. Now that's a miracle!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Welcoming Jesus
Jesus said: "whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:5
I can't tell you when I made the conscious choice to respond to that still small voice rising up within me. I first heard it whisper my name when I flipped through the TV channels and settled on a World Vision special. We've all seen these shows, and those like them, many times before. I watched in horror as dozens of disease ridden, undernourished children drank from water so dirty most of us wouldn't use it to flush a toilet. And yet they drank. And they died. And my heart broke. So I vowed never to watch those specials again!
Of course avoidance is never the solution to anything. The very next day, and subsequent days, that special was on again, again, and again. It seemed to bounce around time frames and TV stations seeking to trap me into watching. I felt my heart strings being plucked- pulled- yanked at the sight of so much misery in the world. Yet, what could I do about it? Not much, I thought.
Over the next month the vision of those faces haunted me. The holidays came and went, and my house was no different than it ever was: brimming over with people and food and love & laughter. I wondered what those poor children were eating. Did they have warm clothes this Winter? We had so much, I thought. Surely I could not ignore the voice any longer.
If you're like me, money is tight. You don't have the disposable income you had in the past, nor do you even know if you're going to have a job by weeks end. Maybe you have to forgo a trip to the Bahamas, or even a trip to the grocery store. Rest assured, we're all in the same boat. It's all a matter of degrees. Both my husband and I are self-employed. Times are scary, but life has got to be scarier for those children who do not know the love of the Christ and his promises.
James 2:15-17 (New International Version) says:
15)Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16)If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17)In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
So I took the plunge and made the call and our family has been blessed with the addition of 1 small 9 year old boy from Brazil. His name is Mateus Inacio De Araujo and he is beautiful. I may never get to meet him in person, but I look forward to sharing the love of the Christ with someone who needs to know that somewhere, somehow, God is watching out for him and his family and that there is hope for the future.
So welcome Mateus Inacio, may you and your family be warm and well fed. God bless you.
Friday, January 30, 2009
My Awakening to Jesus
I am blessed. Radically and wonderfully blessed. I live in a country where I have the freedom of worshiping God at any time, any place, and without fear of retribution. I live in a nice house, in a nice town, and I've been blessed with 2 gorgeous kids, ages 12 and 29 Now, that's a miracle! At times, I am overwhelmed by the sheer beauty that surrounds me. I love to walk at night and gaze up at the stars- or rise before dawn and walk through the mist of morning and talk to my heavenly father.
It hasn't always been this way. Having been reared in an abusive family, my father thought my body was his personal punching bag. I've been hospitalized with multiple traumas, including ones to my back and hips, 2 incidents of a cracked skull, and numerous other less life-threatening injuries. My mom was an enabler with a capital E who spent most of her life hiding from my Dad. What compounded this was that Mom had become ensnared into an equally abusive cult and dragged us all in- kicking and screaming all the way. This served to distort my view of God, question his "goodness," and leave me hopeless for a future where the world was predicted to end by 1975. I did not escape their influence until much later in life.
But then something miraculous happened. Through "prayer and supplication," I begged to be given clarity and wisdom. I prayed that God would remove the veil of confusion that this group had managed to wrap around my life, and and shine a light through the darkness. It was at this time that I became aware of the Christian television network, along with Christian radio. I surrounded myself with their encouraging messages. I watched Joyce Meyers, Creflo Dollar, Charles Stanley and Joel Osteen, nonstop.
Although some of their beliefs differed, their message was uniform: God Loves me: Christ died for me- and for you. Salvation was not to be found in the stinging whip of the cult leaders tongue, nor in the exhaustive list of rules and regulations the "society" concocted to dominate its members, but in the soothing words of the Great Shepherd and the gentle hand of the Father.
Now, as I travel through life, I find it difficult not to share my faith. I awaken to His Word each day, and fall to sleep the same. Jesus has become my constant companion, the Redeemer of my faith. Last year I made my dedication legal and became ordained, dedicating myself to the ministry. This year I have pledged myself to reaching out to others who have been warped and abused by the "False Prophet," or who have otherwise lost their way. I hope to provide a safe haven, a soothing place where they can gain knowledge of the real Jesus- the forgiving gentle Savior of our souls.
It hasn't always been this way. Having been reared in an abusive family, my father thought my body was his personal punching bag. I've been hospitalized with multiple traumas, including ones to my back and hips, 2 incidents of a cracked skull, and numerous other less life-threatening injuries. My mom was an enabler with a capital E who spent most of her life hiding from my Dad. What compounded this was that Mom had become ensnared into an equally abusive cult and dragged us all in- kicking and screaming all the way. This served to distort my view of God, question his "goodness," and leave me hopeless for a future where the world was predicted to end by 1975. I did not escape their influence until much later in life.
But then something miraculous happened. Through "prayer and supplication," I begged to be given clarity and wisdom. I prayed that God would remove the veil of confusion that this group had managed to wrap around my life, and and shine a light through the darkness. It was at this time that I became aware of the Christian television network, along with Christian radio. I surrounded myself with their encouraging messages. I watched Joyce Meyers, Creflo Dollar, Charles Stanley and Joel Osteen, nonstop.
Although some of their beliefs differed, their message was uniform: God Loves me: Christ died for me- and for you. Salvation was not to be found in the stinging whip of the cult leaders tongue, nor in the exhaustive list of rules and regulations the "society" concocted to dominate its members, but in the soothing words of the Great Shepherd and the gentle hand of the Father.
Now, as I travel through life, I find it difficult not to share my faith. I awaken to His Word each day, and fall to sleep the same. Jesus has become my constant companion, the Redeemer of my faith. Last year I made my dedication legal and became ordained, dedicating myself to the ministry. This year I have pledged myself to reaching out to others who have been warped and abused by the "False Prophet," or who have otherwise lost their way. I hope to provide a safe haven, a soothing place where they can gain knowledge of the real Jesus- the forgiving gentle Savior of our souls.
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