Praying for My Enemies: A Gift to Myself

"You have heard that it is said, "Love they neighbor and hate your enemy, " But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven... " Matthew 5:43-45

There was a time I believed this to be an impossible task. It was not that I seethed with anger and hostility- on the contrary, I was overcome with grief and longing for having been isolated and made the scapegoat for my family's emotional & alcohol problems. Then too, the beliefs of the religious organization I'd left commanded that my family- my parents as well as all 3 brothers and 2 sisters, and their progeny, have no association with me, nor with that of my infant daughter and husband.

I raised my children without benefit of anyone's help. I am babysitter, nurturer, teacher, emotional healer, as well as spiritual head. My husband, although a good man, does not share my devotion. He is learning, but for me, it is life. So, I was left, not with feelings of rage or hatred- but of abysmal hopelessness.

Something threatens to die within all humankind when you lose, or never have, the love and affection of your family. It's such a primal need that research has shown that a baby, left untouched, will develop serious illnesses and most likely die.

It was a wise friend who came to me one day and set me straight. He told me I was killing myself- that as much as I had been forced to endure, I had to learn to let go so healing could begin. Indeed, I'd been diagnosed with Cancer and I wasn't getting any better.

"If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you." (Matthew 6:14)

I've hear it said that: "Acid always eats it's own container," It also leaks out onto all other relationships and disrupts their stability. Without my knowledge, my attitudes and fears, along with the brainwashing I'd received by being a member of the cult, threatened to infect every area of my life. I had to consciously choose to wrap up my feelings, tie them in a knot, and lay them at the feet of the Master. Only then would I be free to accept the gift of peace that Jesus offered. Only then would I be able to share that gift.

My miracle did not come in a night or a day when I awoke to find the burden of pain suddenly lifted. It was a conscious decision to embrace forgiveness and love rather than bitterness and resentment. Just as Jesus "decided" to lovingly offer himself for our sins, I relinquished hold over the negative emotions that prevented me from being all I could be in His eyes. I entrusted my feelings to God and learned to forgive the unforgivable.

And I am so glad I did. Over the years I've established loving relationships with the very ones who had come against me. For those who have not learned kindness, I pray that they will experience the joy of the Christ. Sick with their own toxic emotions, they have turned the acid and bitterness upon themselves and are captive to their own emotions. I will not give up on these people- I will continue to offer up my prayers for these with the hope that someday, they too can receive the gift of forgiveness, and learn to pass it on.